Friday, April 26, 2013

higher upper smarter

I've been thinking about taking a minor in History. I really like the subject and the fact that everything is stories, though sometimes they have suffered the tragedy of being written down in a boring voice. I like knowing about realities that were, I like knowing about the people that have walked past the trees I walk past. I like it. I like History.

Maybe I'll apply today, or maybe Monday because right after my classes today I'm leaving for my grandfather's house to spend the weekend (insert here crossed fingers and tearful pleas to god oh god oh god not let me gain weight, give me strength to shut my mouth and go jogging for the hours reserved for meals). I shall climb the stairs and get an application form from the department that I can never really remember how to find, besides that there are stairs involved. I will fill it out and submit myself to another course two courses in History and two electives,  all my own doing unlike the two subjects we're required despite our actual program of study. I'm excited.

Besides that, summer class is going quite well. It's the end of the second week and what with the accelerated rate at which classes are paced, I really have no time to not think, every day, in and out, besides Economics, History, Filipino. I walk and run and skip and idle from CTC to Bel to Berch. Everyday, everyday. Okay sometimes my mind wanders, when lectures feel dragged out, or maybe at night when I am exercising and hating the things that flowed down my throat today, I think about the way I like my shoulders now, but not my upper arms, I think about how the skin of our elbows look like the concentric circles of a tree, I think about why the bird who cannot sing hates me and sits outside my window every morning, I think about  how heavy my eyelids feel all the time, maybe it's the contacts or maybe it's my soul, I think about why he/she/whoever won't talk to me first, I think about my brothers, my parents, my cat, about how I can go days without conversation or anyone bothering me. I think about how I cannot kill myself now, since I have no roommates now and no one will find my body until the heat makes the smell and my skin and organs unbearable. But mostly I think about my subjects. Except tomorrow and the next day, as well as every other weekend, and maybe Monday next week because it's my 18th birthday. Also public holidays. 

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