Monday, October 20, 2014

Miles to go

I've lost half my hair and regained none of my mind and I don't think that is even close to fair a bargain for all the money I'm spending on medicine. I hate the feeling of my skin. I'm the heaviest I've been since high school and I hate it I hate it hate it.

Hi I'm ally and I'm an alcoholic. I don't want to talk about my weight anymore, especially now that I have a new mind disorder to talk about. A new disease to let consume me. I'm an alcoholic, let's talk about that. 

I didn't think that I would feel so much an alcoholic when I got out of rehab, my alcoholic career having lasted only a month and a half. I didn't even get withdrawals in detox or cravings over the last two months. But not I am so acutely aware of the existence of alcohol.

Now let's talk about a new problem.

Family. 

Family is hard.

Especially when your little brother is nowhere near okay and your parents seem to forget you exist and suddenly you're all alone and, just like the aforementioned little brother, not okay. It's hard when you can see all the little holes between family members and all the pieces of you that you're just starting to gather back together (imagine balls of clay), all these pieces just fall through these holes and that is what family is to me. It's hard. I'm not making sense. I'm tired.

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