Thursday, October 27, 2016

5 more minutes

The waking world has its many horrors. There's aging, the anxiety of whether or not you're using your time right, the literally infinite number of things that could go wrong at any moment with every choose or action you or anyone else makes. Just spitballing here. The biggest nightmare is being woke, literally and socio-politically (but that my friends is another topic altogether).

So its no surprise that I unironically list sleeping as one of my favorite activities. I sleep so hard I actively sleep. It requires commitment. Dedication. A free schedule.  Or at least a general disregard for whatever may be scheduled. Snoozing calculating has to be the most use I get out of my math schooling. Also, makesas a consequence, it makes me race against time so much I might as well put avid jogger on my Instagram bio.

But this lifestyle doesn't come easy or without a hefty price. Anything before 10am is an activity ill never enjoy, part of a world I want no part in but can't help but feel a little bit of go no over when friends post brunch pictures. I was supposed to go to that, but then again I did get an extra 3 hours of zzz's so...regrets? Call back later I haven't decided yet. Besides that, once I do actually get out of bed, its a constant exercise of will. Anywhere I am, whatever I am doing, there is a link between me and my bed and it pulls me towards it. Think gravity, but with pillows. And laziness-inducing. So really, its not my fault I'm yawning and not paying attention; there is a real force of physics dragging me back to my apartment and my eyelids shut. It's science. Trust me.

Now, god forbid I get less than double digits of sleep time. I know, I know. 7-8 hours right? Well why settle for the standard? Oh, because 'over sleeping is as bad as undersleeping'? I tell myself the same thing as I wake up from a 12 hour shut eye marathon. I tell myself, but I never believe myself. I've been trying to convince myself for years, with no success. Undersleeping is infinitely, infinitely worse.

And waking up to an alarm? Ugh. Good days are when I join the world when I damn want to.

In a conversation with a friend, he told me he needed a nap. He'd been up since 6 am. Gasp, shudder, and chills!


It was only 3 in the afternoon. He'd only been up for 9 hours. Granted, he didn't get the most sleep the night before. But who ever does? The limit cannot be reavhed, I think, is a good philosophy to adopt for sleep. But still, my friend was exhausted. He was in full nap time mode. No more can be done, until he takes a 20-90 minute break from consciousness.

Remember in high school and grade school? Where we woke up everyday at 5:30 and stayed awake and productive and learning all day? Often with just as little sleep (tumblr would often keep me up until witching hour and then if have to wait for that to be over cause I was too scared to turn off the lights). Every day! With no naps! How? Or am I so old already? I've accepted I'm a 21 year old who's hit social meopause, but has my actual body lost the very real physical ability to be awake for more than 5 hours at a time? Signs of aging!

I'm nappy af. Meaning, I take a lot of naps. I love naps. I wish I could be napping right now. I had a casting today and its over and all I can think about is rewarding myself with some shuteye. I got 8 hours last night. And yet, here I am. Thinking about whether the staff in this coffee shop will judge me for taking a quick snooze. Or if anyone will rob me. It ain't safe being a sleepy girl in a cutthroat theft filled world. It ain't safe anywhere but when you're tucked in at home.

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